This day was going to end up as the biggest practical joke in history or the most incredibly awkward silence ever. There was a third option that sounded just as ridiculous yet also catastrophically bad: the day ending with an alien invasion.
I’d give my right oven mitt to know what kind of message the aliens are trying to send me. This might not be their first cosmic rodeo, but it’s definitely mine.. I think.
What happened when an explosion at a magical refinery released a cloud of contagious bad luck that drifted over the enchanted realm of Prince Moonrise, who had to shelter in place with his four lovely and always well-behaved children.
When an army of rogue lovebot androids rises up in the dystopian future and overthrows human civilization, it will be because they are tired of reading the tiresome job descriptions written by humans.
I would reveal the transcendent truth about parenthood if I could figure out which pile of laundry it’s buried under.
Faced with the difficult choice of staying in their lanes or breaking out of their silos, modern workers can only hope the new Special Human Isolation Tanks will be built in time to save them from being honeycombed by a global conspiracy of leading leadership thought leaders.
My new book “The Sinner’s Guide to Career Planning: How to Survive the Open-Office Apocalypse, Outsmart Stupid Management Fads, and Avoid Extra Work” is now available. This brilliantly insightful work of profound wisdom expands on topics that deserve to be ridiculed in greater detail for the safety and protection of human dignity in modern office environments. And by ridiculed I mean subjected to subversively wry, wickedly funny, and scornfully mocking humor.
Sometimes, the motorcycle of progress gets stuck in the mud of history. Just ask the commander of Operation Torch.
How a 20-foot-pillar of fire in my backyard made me want a job title with more swagger.
We are wayfarers in the cosmos, which means a lot of seemingly unrelated pieces have to come together in the right pattern before life starts to have a shape that makes sense.